Sunday, July 28, 2013


I hate change. Sort of. There are some things in life that I would love to change. Like world hunger, bad hair days, and Crocs. But with the big things, when I am comfortable with something, I don't want it to change. Its all part of me secretly wanting to have complete control of my life. This is a problem, because God wants to control my life. Plus, I am about to move to Africa where I will literally be in control of nothing.

This week there has been a lot of change in my life. The girl that was going to be my partner has some medical problems and won't be able to go at all. For a couple of days I didn't know what that would mean for me. But God has worked everything out in a way I could never have.

So, yes. I am still going to West Africa. But, I will be going to a different place and working with different people. This new town is a couple of hours away from where I was going to be. I will be doing a lot of the same things that I was, mostly teaching English.

So even though I have had a lot of changes, I am super excited about the new plans that God has for me. I can't wait to meet new people and see new places.

If you are one of the people that has been praying for me the last couple of weeks, thank you. Your prayers and support have meant a lot to me.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Its not about me

"There's no way that this is going to work."
I am sitting in my tiny dorm room staring at my computer screen. It is January and I have just finished filling out my application for Hands On. I stare at the tiny button. Submit. All I have to do is click it. Yet I sit there, staring at it. It's not because I don't want to go. I want to go more than anything. No, I am apprehensive because I am convinced that there is just no way that I will be able to pull it off. There is so much that has to come together just perfectly. "There is just no way that I can do this", I think to myself. But I click the button anyway.

A month later my application has been approved. I am officially going to West Africa. Officially, that is, if I can get my scholarships taken care of. It is February and I am searching like a madman on my school's website trying to find information about taking a leave of absence. That is the one thing that my parents are most worried about. I gather all the information I have, which isn't much, and go to the financial aid office. I am scared. "There is no way that they are going to approve me", I think to myself. "I don't have enough documentation. I don't have enough information." But I go in anyway.

Two weeks later I get an email saying that I am approved for a leave of absence and my scholarships will be waiting for me when I get back. It is May and between cramming for finals and packing to move back home, I write a support letter. "There is no way that I can raise this much money", I think. "There isn't enough time". I am worried. But I send it anyway.

It is July and I am sitting in my kitchen beside my Dad. He has made a spreadsheet for me and we are adding up all of the donations I have received. The response to my letters have been overwhelming. Everyday I am shock by how many people are willing to sacrifice to help me. My Dad shows me how much left I have to raise. I am close to being completely supported. Very close.

I have pretty much given up trying to figure everything out by myself. You would think that I would have learned this already, but no. I still try to control everything around me. Yet every time I face a seemingly impossible obstacle, I am gently reminded by God that this is not about me. It's not about what I can or can't handle. It's not about what I can or can't do. None of that matters. None of this is about me.